To me, depression is normal. It’s wearing the same shirt for two days straight, and not cleaning your room. It’s the lack of motivation I feel for everything- for school, for my relationships with everyone, for eating, for sleeping, for hygiene, for everything. It’s being angry, and being sad, and being numb, all at once.
To me, anxiety is constantly worrying that I’m bothering people. It’s being shakey for seemingly no reason, and wanting to reach out for help but being to afraid. It’s wondering if I will ever get into college, and if I do, how I’ll pay for it.
To me, paranoia is feeling like every word I speak or write, every thought that I have, is pathetic. It’s feeling like there’s no one in the world who really loves me. It’s feeling like even having this blog is just stupid.
To me, self harm is only ever a thought way. It’s always there, beckoning me like a siren does a pirate. It’s irresistible.
To me, living is painful. Breathing is painful. I’m lost, and I just don’t know what to do anymore.